Tony Romo has finally earned himself a nickname. Rolo. Inspired by the name made up by Guy Pearce’s Lt. Edmund Exley in the brilliant film “L.A. Confidential”. Rollo Tomasi is the name Exley gives to the unknown gunman who shot and killed his father. Rollo Tomasi is the one who got away with it. I’m dropping the second “L” and we are going to officially nickname Tony Romo, Tony Rolo. Yes, partly because he’s the one who gets away with. Gets away with one hideous performance after another in the only games he’s ever played in that mattered. But, more so, because he rolls over and plays dead like the dog he is.
Tony Romo is a loser. He wilts on the big stage under the lights. If there is a big game, you can count on Tony Rolo to roll over and cough that game up. For the record, this is from a Cowboys fan, but it is undeniable. Rolo is a loser. Whenever it really matters, he royally screws the pooch for his team. Often, all by himself. Let’s a take a look at his history. In each of his four years, 2006 to the present, there has been one game that has really mattered to the Cowboys, and Rolo has blown it, each and every time. He’s a bum. A piece of garbage. A snake oil salesman. He ropes you in with big plays and uncanny escapability and improvisations. But’s it all a tease, when it really matters, Rolo will blow it. Without a doubt. And we know this for sure, without question. Because he has always blown it and done it in such a dazzlingly disastrous manner, that it is painful to watch. Let’s go to his history.
In his four years, there has been one game each year that has mattered, and here they are: 2006. Takes over the team and leads them to the playoffs against Seattle. This, by the way, is by far his best performance in a meaningful game. Tony Rolo goes 17-29, 189 yards with a touchdown and no interceptions. Not bad, nothing special. However, Rolo, aka “bobble boy”, botches the hold on the would-be game winning field goal and the Cowboys lose 21-20. Big stage, big choke. Score one for Tony rolling over.
2007. Following a dominant 13-3 season and home field advantage through out the playoffs, Rolo comes out against the Giants and leads his team to 17 big points. 18-36, 201 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT. QB rating:64.7. Just bad enough to lose to a team that the Cowboys massively out-gained and controlled the clock on. This was Rolo’s last playoff appearance, because here comes 2008.
Needing just two wins out of their final four games, Rolo leads the Cowboys to a 1-3 finish to miss the playoffs. 2nd to last game was against Baltimore at home. Romo completes 53.3% of his passes along with 2 TD’s and 2 INT’s in a 33-24 loss. Final week. All the Cowboys need to do is beat the Eagles in Philly. Rolo goes 21-39, 183 yards, no TD’s and one INT. Passer rating: 55.8. Eagles 44 -Cowboys 6. Ouch
The only good news for Rolo is that 2009 is not written yet. In the home opener, in front of 105,000+ crazed fans at Jerry Jones’ behemoth stadium, Rolo turns in his biggest choke ever. 13-29, 127 yards, 1 TD, 3 INT’s. All 3 INT’s led to Giant touchdowns in a 33-31 heart breaking loss. The Cowboys kicked the ever living crap out of the Giants. They ran all over them and the defense was more than holding its own. But, don’t worry Giants fans, Tony Rolo is under center. Against a secondary decimated by injuries Tony throws as many TD passes to Giants as he does to his own team. And all three INT’s lead to Giant TD’s. Rolo completed only 10 more passes to his teammates than he did to the Giants. Any other starting QB in the league would have rode his team’s dominant performance to victory. Not Rolo. It was a big game. It was a meaningful game. So we know what we are going to get from Rolo, a garbage performance. Winners win and losers lose. And then there’s Tony roll over and play dead Romo. If the game matters, you’d be better off putting Ryan Leaf back there. The Cowboys will never win with Rolo as their QB. Sure they’ll tease you and put up some big numbers and maybe even stumble into the playoffs every once in a while. But, once there, you know what’s coming. Number 9 will make sure the opponents win because he is a loser.
QB’s are judged by rings and their performance in big games. Rolo is considered a star in this league and more and more Cowboys fans are wondering why. Without exception, every single big game of his life he has rolled craps. And until he doesn’t, until he wins a meaningful game, he’ll remain a loser. As an undrafted free agent, maybe the big contract and being a starter for the Cowboys is enough. He is too damn happy. Kind of like modern day Brady. Brady used to have the fire and be a crazed helmet head butting psycho on the field and after TD’s. Now he hangs out with celebrities and has his agents shoot at the paparazzi. You need the fire to win. Brady had the fire and we’ll see if it ever comes back. Or are 3 rings, a supermodel wife and countless millions upon millions of dollars too much to overcome.
Tony Romo, you’re a dog and a loser and you make us Cowboys fans sick. You go ahead and rack up some big numbers on Monday night and try to fool us again. You won’t fool me until you win a game that matters. I’ll be waiting for that next big game, Tony, and expecting you to roll over like the dog you are. Ladies and gentleman, I give you the Tony Romo era. Rolo Tomasi indeed.
Picks, last week 8-7, somehow we missed the Bal-SD game. For the season that puts us 16-14, but we’re picking it up starting this week. Home team in CAPS.
NYJ -2.5 over ten
HOU -4 over jax
Start job hunting Jack Del Rio
kc +9 over PHI
no Kolb quarterbacked teams should be giving 9 points, even to KC.
cle +14 over BAL
Mangenius, indeed. Lol.
NYG -6.5 over tb
Bet the farm on this one. Tampa is worst coached team in football with the worst talent.
DET +6.5 over was
Zorn will be joining Del Rio on unemployment soon. Lions break 19 game losing streak here.
gb -6.5 over StL
Everybody’s favorite budding superstar has two TD passes and home loss to the Bungles. Captain Overated Rodgers would be 0-2 if Cutler did not implode on Sunday night in week one.
MIN -7 over sf
Raise your hand if you hate Brett Favre. After going to 3-0 just wait to hear from everyone about Favre “playing within himself” and “managing the game”. He will bring the Vikings down before the season is over, don’t you worry.
Atl +4 over NE
Brady’s not Brady anymore. Belichick has lost his swagger. And the Patriots roster has more holes than a cheese cloth. That’s a throw out to our Food Network viewers. And I want to credit Bill Simmons for this one. The fire is gone from Belichick. How hungry and maniacal can you be after 3 rings and countless millions and undying devotion from your fans. Both Brady and Belichick. The end may be here and Bill Simmons called it.
chi -2 over SEA
Hasselbeck is as sturdy as a house built of toothpicks. I think his sister in law Elisabeth could kick his ass.
no -6 over BUF
Lots of points here, but the Bills just don’t matter.
SD -6 over mia
You can’t recover from that Monday night heartbreaker, fly cross country and compete with a legitimate team.
pit -4 over CIN
Bungles won in GB last week. What additional motivation could they possibly have? Nuff said.
den -1.5 over OAK
The AFC West is so bad it’s hard to know which was is up when they play each other. Could Josh McDaniels really be 3-0?
AZ -2.5 over ind
Kudos to the league’s best wide receiver making clear he would rather have balls thrown his way than win. Thanks twitter and brother Fitzgerald.
DAL -9 over car
This is where Tony “Rolo Tomasi” shines. In the game that doesn’t matter. Monday night. Dreadful Delhomme. For the record, if Delhomme had quarterbacked the Cowboys on Sunday night versus the Giants, the ‘Boys would have won.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
NFL Week 2
(This week we strive to over use the contraction "ain't", just to vex the English teachers)
I can't think of an NFL week one where we learned less than 2009 week one. What did we learn that we didn't already know? The Bengals stink. The Lions really stink. Brett Favre ain't that good. Aaron Rodgers remains Captain overrated. Brady's not quite Brady yet. The Bills will always find a way to blow it. The Chargers are injury prone.
Here's what we did learn though. The Jets defense is nasty. The Texans are an excellent offensive team and they got no offensive points against the Jets and were consistently dominated all over the place. Sure the Texans were down a receiver, but still, this was a drubbing. A road drubbing.
Some of this requires commentary, some is self explanatory. Lions and Bengals. Well, you get the point. Brett "the cancer" Favre. He single handedly destroyed the Jets and Eric Mangini last year. And what does he do this year? Decides that after an off season of throwing back Miller High Life's in his Wranglers, throwing the occasional pass to high school kids, that it's time to come back and ruin another team. This time we have the Vikings. T-Jack may not be able to throw a ball out of a dingy and have it hit water, but Sage Rosenfels is a talented back up who has never been given a chance. At least he knew the offense. Not Favre. Now, I don't think anyone will fight my contention that Favre is a not mensa member. Your QB needs brains in today's complicated NFL. Think Brady or the Mannings. Clearly smart guys processing plays and defenses. Favre, shows up a few weeks before the season and starts flipping through the playbook.
He has the NFL's best running back who carried him to victory in a game in which Favre needed 21 passes to reach 110 yards. That's 5.24 yards per pass. AP averaged 7.2 yards per carry. Favre, genius that he is, completed exactly one of his 21 passes to AP. Good thinking, cancer boy. The picks are coming, it's undeniable. By the way, what a honeymoon for Favre, first the Browns and now the Lions. Who's next, Boise St.? Actually it's SF, followed by the Favre-GB game in which the announcers will use the word Favre so much that he might actually spontaneously combust. Don't worry though, they play St. Louis the week after, so you can pretty much guarantee a 4-1 Minnesota start and one talking bobble head after another fawning over Favre's "transformation" and how he's "staying within himself". These phrases will beat you over the head by week five and probably even by the end of this week.
Just so you know, in the Vikings' first 9 games they play the Browns, the Lions twice, the Rams, and the 49ers. Their other opponents are legitimate so expect 6-3 / 5-4 range. AP is great, but Favre is a liability. He doesn't know the playbook, he doesn't care and he's earning almost a cool million a game. Not to mention the Wrangler money. You gotta love Favre. He has gone from generally beloved, to mildly annoying to unanimously hated by everyone but the starved Viking fans. Don't worry, by season's end they will hate him too and Favre will manage to be hated by almost every single, solitary NFL fan. Way to go, former 3 time MVP. It's hard to remember a time when Favre was good. Maybe his greatness was exaggerated by the low definition television area.
Aaron Rodgers. And no, I will not stop on him until people stop touting him as an MVP candidate. He has never done diddly squat in a game that mattered and just barely beat the Bears last week because Jay Cutler threw more interceptions than you would see at a Jake Delhomme concert. Well, not quite, but close. Win some big games, and then come back and see me. I am so sick of the Aaron Rodgers love train. He'll be 2-0 after beating the Bengals so let the MVP talk continue.
The picks. Last week despite a 7-2 start, we ended up 8-7. Stupid late games. Home teams in caps:
KC -3 over oak
Raiders had some nice moments last week, but they ain't going on the road on a short week and beating anybody. Even the artists formerly known as the Kansas City Chiefs. Remember when they used to have a defense and a running game? I think that was also back in the low def era. JaMarcus Russell's completion percentage in one of his best career games: 40%. Why is it that GM/Scouts and the rest of them don't think it's a problem if a quarterback is massively innacurate? It's a problem and it ain't gonna get much better. If you ain't accurate now, you ain't gonna be accurate in the future. See Tavaris Jackson.
Hou +6.5 over TEN
You either believe in Houston or not. They are the trendy "jump/sleeper" team this year. I'm not really sold. I think they can score and have some nice pieces on defense, but I'm just not buying the whole package. What I am sold on is that Kerry Collins stinks. The TEN defense is not what it was without the "Stomper". (Albert Haynesworth, who we must always remind you engaged in the single most cowardly act I have ever seen on a football field when he spiked \ the top of an opposing player's helmetless head to the tune of mulitple stiches and gushing blood.) $100+ million. Love to see the good people in the world rewarded.
Patriots -3.5 over JETS (or did we? see below)
I think that the Jets' smack talking this week has been intentionally devised by Rex Ryan. He knows the Pats will be amped up and they will be aiming for Kerry Rhodes who made the most incendiary comments this week. That's what the Pats do and the Jets know it, so they will be ready. This doesn't mean they don't score on Rhodes as they did to the Steelers' Smith a few years back who made similarly idiotic comments. It just means the Jets know the Pats aren't the unstoppable juggernaut they once were. They looked very shaky overall in week one and their offensive line was outplayed by Buffalo's and I, frankly, can't believe I just wrote that, but it is undeniably true.
If the Bills can get to Brady, and they did, the Jets know that they can. Now, they know they can't scare or rattle Brady with their comments and that is not the point of them. The point of the comments is to make this very important point. You are no longer a team in a class of your own. You are no longer so superior to the competition that all opponents must walk on egg-shells for fear of becoming bulletin board material. I am not picking the Jets to win or even cover (or am I?), but they will be in this game. They will hit Brady and they will have their chances. This is a shockingly flawed Patriots team at one position after another:
Secondary, almost a joke. Pass rush, even funnier. Tully Banta-Cain, you can get all the late sacks on Trent Edwards that you want in obvious passing situations, but the Bills's O-line is HISTORICALLY bad. And they controlled the Pats' D-line. Wilfork is the ultimate 3-4 nose tackle. He's still above average in the 4-3, but who the heck is he filtering the runners to? Gary Guyton? Pierre Woods? Eric Alexander? This Patriots defense is a disaster. They still win here but this team cannot win with this defense, they simply cannot. Or, do they? (yes i changed my pick after writing this section.)
Another major problem for the Pats' blitzkreig offense: No 3rd receiver, nevermind a 4th. Joey Galloway has been a complete bust. Of Brady's 39 completed passes, not one went to a wide receiver not named Moss or Welker. And Welker is still not up to full speed with his "leg" injury. Love that Patriot secrecy. 24 to Moss and Welker, 8 to the backs and 7 to the tight ends. And if Ben "dropsy" Watson doesn't turn into Jason Witten for the last few minutes of that game AND, the Bills don't fumble with under 2 minutes to go, the Pats are 0-1 with a home loss to the Bills. This 3rd receiver problem is huge. Because you only have to cover Moss and Welker, in addition to covering the tight end seam route. That's it. This is a far cry from 2007's limitless weapon offense.
The O-line is leaking blood like a stuck pig and their leading rusher had 32 yards in week one. Against the Bills. Brady is gonna put up his numbers and be Tom Brady, but this line is going to get him killed and they are dead without a third receiver. For how manys games can 58 year old Kevin Faulk bail you out on third downs?
You know what, screw it, I have talked myself into it. I'm taking the points and the Jets, even with the Rookie QB. I just couldn't live wth a Pats pick if the Jets pull the upset.
JETS -3.5 over pats
Cin +9 over GB
I have no tangible reason for this pick. Alright I have one. Every week there is at least one complete head scratcher of a game. This is it. Not a win for the bungles, but a cover.
min -10 over DET
The let's get Brett Favre reacclimated to the league by starting him out against junior college teams tour rolls on. The cancer might even average 6 or 7 yars per attempt this week.
new orleans even over PHI
Donovan McNabb, you blithering idiot. 31-10 lead. No QB on the other team. And you think it's a good time to start trying to run over defenders at the goal line. I would like to cite a line from "the Rainmaker" here. "You must be stupid, stupid, stupid." What did McNabb get on his wunderlich anyways? Wasn't it one of the lowest scores ever. Yay, Syracuse.
ATL -6.5 car
Poor Panthers fans. Jake Delhomme's one half of glory against the Patriots decimated secondary in the Superbowl has given him a career. For his career he has a QB rating of less than 85 and a career completion percentage of under 60. He ain't good. He was never good. Delhomme and John Fox won't survive the season because Jake Delhomme is going to kill all the Panthers all by himself.
WAS -10 over Stl
Really, Spags, you chose the Rams, really?
ari +3 over JAX
You don't have a home field advantage when your fans don't show up. And why has it been the Jags' mission in life to never have a viable receiver once Jimmy Smith retired?
sea +1.5 over SF
The 49ers are favored here, really? Did Mike Singletary flash his ass at the odds makers, too?
BUF -5 over tb
Poor Bills. They will get this one though.
cle +3 over DEN
When you need a miracle to beat the Bengals and your coach has downgraded your talent by 30% in one off-season, it's not good. Good job, Josh.
pit -3 over CHI
Can idiot boy Josh McDaniel actually be made to look good because Jay Cutler has no receivers and no offensive line and now no Urlacher? Maybe so. Jay's top receiver is a kick returner and former DB. This is not good. Just for the record, the Steelers O-line stinks and will get Roethlisberger killed this season.
nyg+3 over DAL
Come on, really, the 'boys are favored. They gave up 450 yards to TB. A team with no hope whatsoever. They were run all over by the bucs, who are just dreadful. Their offense is fine, but if that running D is any indication, Brandon Jacobs might empty that stadium by the middle of the 3rd. And I'm a Cowboys fan. There I admitted it. Their coaching is awful. Their penalties are always a problem and I'm not sure who those corners are.
MIA +3 ind
This is my opposite gut reaction pick. You gotta throw out the 4 turnover game last week. The Fins remain a hard nosed disciplined team. This might be the year the the Colts finally come back to earth. They have no receivers except Wayne. Joseph Addai looks slow for some reason and the Colts defense is, well the Colts defense. Wildcat away! Pennington to Fasano away!
I can't think of an NFL week one where we learned less than 2009 week one. What did we learn that we didn't already know? The Bengals stink. The Lions really stink. Brett Favre ain't that good. Aaron Rodgers remains Captain overrated. Brady's not quite Brady yet. The Bills will always find a way to blow it. The Chargers are injury prone.
Here's what we did learn though. The Jets defense is nasty. The Texans are an excellent offensive team and they got no offensive points against the Jets and were consistently dominated all over the place. Sure the Texans were down a receiver, but still, this was a drubbing. A road drubbing.
Some of this requires commentary, some is self explanatory. Lions and Bengals. Well, you get the point. Brett "the cancer" Favre. He single handedly destroyed the Jets and Eric Mangini last year. And what does he do this year? Decides that after an off season of throwing back Miller High Life's in his Wranglers, throwing the occasional pass to high school kids, that it's time to come back and ruin another team. This time we have the Vikings. T-Jack may not be able to throw a ball out of a dingy and have it hit water, but Sage Rosenfels is a talented back up who has never been given a chance. At least he knew the offense. Not Favre. Now, I don't think anyone will fight my contention that Favre is a not mensa member. Your QB needs brains in today's complicated NFL. Think Brady or the Mannings. Clearly smart guys processing plays and defenses. Favre, shows up a few weeks before the season and starts flipping through the playbook.
He has the NFL's best running back who carried him to victory in a game in which Favre needed 21 passes to reach 110 yards. That's 5.24 yards per pass. AP averaged 7.2 yards per carry. Favre, genius that he is, completed exactly one of his 21 passes to AP. Good thinking, cancer boy. The picks are coming, it's undeniable. By the way, what a honeymoon for Favre, first the Browns and now the Lions. Who's next, Boise St.? Actually it's SF, followed by the Favre-GB game in which the announcers will use the word Favre so much that he might actually spontaneously combust. Don't worry though, they play St. Louis the week after, so you can pretty much guarantee a 4-1 Minnesota start and one talking bobble head after another fawning over Favre's "transformation" and how he's "staying within himself". These phrases will beat you over the head by week five and probably even by the end of this week.
Just so you know, in the Vikings' first 9 games they play the Browns, the Lions twice, the Rams, and the 49ers. Their other opponents are legitimate so expect 6-3 / 5-4 range. AP is great, but Favre is a liability. He doesn't know the playbook, he doesn't care and he's earning almost a cool million a game. Not to mention the Wrangler money. You gotta love Favre. He has gone from generally beloved, to mildly annoying to unanimously hated by everyone but the starved Viking fans. Don't worry, by season's end they will hate him too and Favre will manage to be hated by almost every single, solitary NFL fan. Way to go, former 3 time MVP. It's hard to remember a time when Favre was good. Maybe his greatness was exaggerated by the low definition television area.
Aaron Rodgers. And no, I will not stop on him until people stop touting him as an MVP candidate. He has never done diddly squat in a game that mattered and just barely beat the Bears last week because Jay Cutler threw more interceptions than you would see at a Jake Delhomme concert. Well, not quite, but close. Win some big games, and then come back and see me. I am so sick of the Aaron Rodgers love train. He'll be 2-0 after beating the Bengals so let the MVP talk continue.
The picks. Last week despite a 7-2 start, we ended up 8-7. Stupid late games. Home teams in caps:
KC -3 over oak
Raiders had some nice moments last week, but they ain't going on the road on a short week and beating anybody. Even the artists formerly known as the Kansas City Chiefs. Remember when they used to have a defense and a running game? I think that was also back in the low def era. JaMarcus Russell's completion percentage in one of his best career games: 40%. Why is it that GM/Scouts and the rest of them don't think it's a problem if a quarterback is massively innacurate? It's a problem and it ain't gonna get much better. If you ain't accurate now, you ain't gonna be accurate in the future. See Tavaris Jackson.
Hou +6.5 over TEN
You either believe in Houston or not. They are the trendy "jump/sleeper" team this year. I'm not really sold. I think they can score and have some nice pieces on defense, but I'm just not buying the whole package. What I am sold on is that Kerry Collins stinks. The TEN defense is not what it was without the "Stomper". (Albert Haynesworth, who we must always remind you engaged in the single most cowardly act I have ever seen on a football field when he spiked \ the top of an opposing player's helmetless head to the tune of mulitple stiches and gushing blood.) $100+ million. Love to see the good people in the world rewarded.
Patriots -3.5 over JETS (or did we? see below)
I think that the Jets' smack talking this week has been intentionally devised by Rex Ryan. He knows the Pats will be amped up and they will be aiming for Kerry Rhodes who made the most incendiary comments this week. That's what the Pats do and the Jets know it, so they will be ready. This doesn't mean they don't score on Rhodes as they did to the Steelers' Smith a few years back who made similarly idiotic comments. It just means the Jets know the Pats aren't the unstoppable juggernaut they once were. They looked very shaky overall in week one and their offensive line was outplayed by Buffalo's and I, frankly, can't believe I just wrote that, but it is undeniably true.
If the Bills can get to Brady, and they did, the Jets know that they can. Now, they know they can't scare or rattle Brady with their comments and that is not the point of them. The point of the comments is to make this very important point. You are no longer a team in a class of your own. You are no longer so superior to the competition that all opponents must walk on egg-shells for fear of becoming bulletin board material. I am not picking the Jets to win or even cover (or am I?), but they will be in this game. They will hit Brady and they will have their chances. This is a shockingly flawed Patriots team at one position after another:
Secondary, almost a joke. Pass rush, even funnier. Tully Banta-Cain, you can get all the late sacks on Trent Edwards that you want in obvious passing situations, but the Bills's O-line is HISTORICALLY bad. And they controlled the Pats' D-line. Wilfork is the ultimate 3-4 nose tackle. He's still above average in the 4-3, but who the heck is he filtering the runners to? Gary Guyton? Pierre Woods? Eric Alexander? This Patriots defense is a disaster. They still win here but this team cannot win with this defense, they simply cannot. Or, do they? (yes i changed my pick after writing this section.)
Another major problem for the Pats' blitzkreig offense: No 3rd receiver, nevermind a 4th. Joey Galloway has been a complete bust. Of Brady's 39 completed passes, not one went to a wide receiver not named Moss or Welker. And Welker is still not up to full speed with his "leg" injury. Love that Patriot secrecy. 24 to Moss and Welker, 8 to the backs and 7 to the tight ends. And if Ben "dropsy" Watson doesn't turn into Jason Witten for the last few minutes of that game AND, the Bills don't fumble with under 2 minutes to go, the Pats are 0-1 with a home loss to the Bills. This 3rd receiver problem is huge. Because you only have to cover Moss and Welker, in addition to covering the tight end seam route. That's it. This is a far cry from 2007's limitless weapon offense.
The O-line is leaking blood like a stuck pig and their leading rusher had 32 yards in week one. Against the Bills. Brady is gonna put up his numbers and be Tom Brady, but this line is going to get him killed and they are dead without a third receiver. For how manys games can 58 year old Kevin Faulk bail you out on third downs?
You know what, screw it, I have talked myself into it. I'm taking the points and the Jets, even with the Rookie QB. I just couldn't live wth a Pats pick if the Jets pull the upset.
JETS -3.5 over pats
Cin +9 over GB
I have no tangible reason for this pick. Alright I have one. Every week there is at least one complete head scratcher of a game. This is it. Not a win for the bungles, but a cover.
min -10 over DET
The let's get Brett Favre reacclimated to the league by starting him out against junior college teams tour rolls on. The cancer might even average 6 or 7 yars per attempt this week.
new orleans even over PHI
Donovan McNabb, you blithering idiot. 31-10 lead. No QB on the other team. And you think it's a good time to start trying to run over defenders at the goal line. I would like to cite a line from "the Rainmaker" here. "You must be stupid, stupid, stupid." What did McNabb get on his wunderlich anyways? Wasn't it one of the lowest scores ever. Yay, Syracuse.
ATL -6.5 car
Poor Panthers fans. Jake Delhomme's one half of glory against the Patriots decimated secondary in the Superbowl has given him a career. For his career he has a QB rating of less than 85 and a career completion percentage of under 60. He ain't good. He was never good. Delhomme and John Fox won't survive the season because Jake Delhomme is going to kill all the Panthers all by himself.
WAS -10 over Stl
Really, Spags, you chose the Rams, really?
ari +3 over JAX
You don't have a home field advantage when your fans don't show up. And why has it been the Jags' mission in life to never have a viable receiver once Jimmy Smith retired?
sea +1.5 over SF
The 49ers are favored here, really? Did Mike Singletary flash his ass at the odds makers, too?
BUF -5 over tb
Poor Bills. They will get this one though.
cle +3 over DEN
When you need a miracle to beat the Bengals and your coach has downgraded your talent by 30% in one off-season, it's not good. Good job, Josh.
pit -3 over CHI
Can idiot boy Josh McDaniel actually be made to look good because Jay Cutler has no receivers and no offensive line and now no Urlacher? Maybe so. Jay's top receiver is a kick returner and former DB. This is not good. Just for the record, the Steelers O-line stinks and will get Roethlisberger killed this season.
nyg+3 over DAL
Come on, really, the 'boys are favored. They gave up 450 yards to TB. A team with no hope whatsoever. They were run all over by the bucs, who are just dreadful. Their offense is fine, but if that running D is any indication, Brandon Jacobs might empty that stadium by the middle of the 3rd. And I'm a Cowboys fan. There I admitted it. Their coaching is awful. Their penalties are always a problem and I'm not sure who those corners are.
MIA +3 ind
This is my opposite gut reaction pick. You gotta throw out the 4 turnover game last week. The Fins remain a hard nosed disciplined team. This might be the year the the Colts finally come back to earth. They have no receivers except Wayne. Joseph Addai looks slow for some reason and the Colts defense is, well the Colts defense. Wildcat away! Pennington to Fasano away!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
NFL Preview and Week One
Congratulations to Serena Williams. She of 11 grand slam titles. Serena, who is in the conversation for the greatest female tennis player. For the record, Serena, it does not matter whether you said you were going to kill the Asian linesman or not. You promise to sutff the effing ball down her effing throat would accomplish the same thing. You are a HUGE liar. You don't know what you said, other players get away with this all the time. Where's a South Carolina Representative when you need one? Serena and her supporters have framed this as another case of the man keeping the minority down.
Serena appeared to pretty quickly realize how wrong she was and what damage she has done to her legacy and reputation, even showing a shard of of contrition. However, she and her supporters have made clear their position that had a white player done the same thing, they would not have been penalized. This is such an outrageous position, it is almost laughable. I have watched tennis for almost 30 years and have never, ever seen anything like this. Not even close. Even the nastiest Nastase or McEnroe tyrades never put anyone in fear for their safety. The linesman could be awarded a restraining order under the facts of this incident. Serena, an imposing physical figure, brandishing a racket, screaming and using the balls as props as she indicates her intention to have the linesman involuntarily deep throat the balls. You know what, I was clearly wrong and Serena is clearly right. That happens all the time and the players never get penalized. We all really tune into tennise for the WWE style smack talking.
I have to go and berate my cat.
NFL 2009, Week 1.
Conjuring up the minister from Spaceballs, this will have to be the short, short short version. Between children and wives with head-aches, I just don't have the time that I used to.
Here's what I know. The Steelers offensive line is piece of crap and is going to get Roethlisberger killed this year. Especially since he would rather take a 20 yard sack than throw it away and get a field goal. The Patriots defense will be attrocious. They don't have one secondary player who would guarantee himself a starting spot on another team. One young stud linebacker in Mayo. One talented underachieving linebacker in Thomas. The rest of the linebackers are question marks. They traded away Seymour leaving Ty Warren and Jarvis Green to chip in with Vince Wilfork. And, Vince, buddy, I'm beggin you. Get a spine and hold out for a contract. Does anyone else smell the knee injury coming. Vince Wilfork is playing out the 6th year of the most unfair contract ever. So unfair, that 6 year deals for rookies are no longer allowed. He is a top 3 nose tackle. And the Patriots are not going to pay him because they don't pay anybody.
That's about as far as I can go, much to my miserable chagrin. This laptop is a piece of crap, doesn't even have a word processing program and I can't type on it without my knuckles screaming like Serena after a bad call. I need to do this from my office and I unfortunately have not had time, so that leaves us with season picks and no comments. Happy happy joy joy.
Division Winners:
AFC East: Patriots
AFC North: Ravens
AFC South: Texans
AFC West: Chargers
NFC East: Giants
NFC North: Vikings (only because Favre will get injured and Sage will take over. You cannot win with Favre, he throws too many to the wrong team.
NFC South: Falcons
NFC West: Cardinals
AFC Wildcards: Steelers, Colts
NFC Wildcards: Bears, Cowboys
AFC Championship: Chargers over Ravens
NFC Championship: Vikings over Giants
Superbowl Champs: Chargers
League MVP: AP. (I know, that's going out on a limb.)
Steelers fail because of O-line. Pats lose because their defense stinks and because everyone will blitz them. They will still go at least 12-4/13-3, but will go down in the playoffs. Remember the Giants, Eagles and Ravens in the 2007 season. All of them blitzed the Pats silly and the Pats easily could have lost all three of those games. Ravens are going to be rock solid with budding star Flacco but lack the requisite firepower. Chargers finally have their year, when they will sail completely under the radar and finally get it done.
Week one picks, home team in CAPS:
ATL -4 over mia
BAL -12.5 over kc
phi -2.5 over CAR
CIN -5 over den (Josh Daniels will be fired this year and may not make it through 8 games, at 0-7)
min -3.5 over CLE (despite Favre. Minnesota will win despite Favre until he gets hurt and Sage leads them to Superbowl.
HOU -4 over nyj
jax +6.5 over IND
NO -13.5 over det
dal -4.5 over TB (Bucs should play in orange again this year, they will be that bad)
AZ -6 sf (don't fully trust coaches who show their junk to their teams during tyrades)
NYG -6.5 over was (domenik hixon, remember that name this year, he will be plaxerrific)
SEA -7.5 over stl (Spagnuolo has been coaching offers for a couple years now and he chooses St. Louis. Good luck Spags)
chi +4.5 GB (Packers and Aaron Rodgers are the two most overrated entities this year. watch them flounder. bears fly high with Cutler)
NE -11 over buf (pats have D issues but won't matter here. Would someone please tell Buffalo that when three of your offensive lineman have never taken a snap, that you are all done.)
OAK +10 over sd
Chicago is our upset special. That is all.
Serena appeared to pretty quickly realize how wrong she was and what damage she has done to her legacy and reputation, even showing a shard of of contrition. However, she and her supporters have made clear their position that had a white player done the same thing, they would not have been penalized. This is such an outrageous position, it is almost laughable. I have watched tennis for almost 30 years and have never, ever seen anything like this. Not even close. Even the nastiest Nastase or McEnroe tyrades never put anyone in fear for their safety. The linesman could be awarded a restraining order under the facts of this incident. Serena, an imposing physical figure, brandishing a racket, screaming and using the balls as props as she indicates her intention to have the linesman involuntarily deep throat the balls. You know what, I was clearly wrong and Serena is clearly right. That happens all the time and the players never get penalized. We all really tune into tennise for the WWE style smack talking.
I have to go and berate my cat.
NFL 2009, Week 1.
Conjuring up the minister from Spaceballs, this will have to be the short, short short version. Between children and wives with head-aches, I just don't have the time that I used to.
Here's what I know. The Steelers offensive line is piece of crap and is going to get Roethlisberger killed this year. Especially since he would rather take a 20 yard sack than throw it away and get a field goal. The Patriots defense will be attrocious. They don't have one secondary player who would guarantee himself a starting spot on another team. One young stud linebacker in Mayo. One talented underachieving linebacker in Thomas. The rest of the linebackers are question marks. They traded away Seymour leaving Ty Warren and Jarvis Green to chip in with Vince Wilfork. And, Vince, buddy, I'm beggin you. Get a spine and hold out for a contract. Does anyone else smell the knee injury coming. Vince Wilfork is playing out the 6th year of the most unfair contract ever. So unfair, that 6 year deals for rookies are no longer allowed. He is a top 3 nose tackle. And the Patriots are not going to pay him because they don't pay anybody.
That's about as far as I can go, much to my miserable chagrin. This laptop is a piece of crap, doesn't even have a word processing program and I can't type on it without my knuckles screaming like Serena after a bad call. I need to do this from my office and I unfortunately have not had time, so that leaves us with season picks and no comments. Happy happy joy joy.
Division Winners:
AFC East: Patriots
AFC North: Ravens
AFC South: Texans
AFC West: Chargers
NFC East: Giants
NFC North: Vikings (only because Favre will get injured and Sage will take over. You cannot win with Favre, he throws too many to the wrong team.
NFC South: Falcons
NFC West: Cardinals
AFC Wildcards: Steelers, Colts
NFC Wildcards: Bears, Cowboys
AFC Championship: Chargers over Ravens
NFC Championship: Vikings over Giants
Superbowl Champs: Chargers
League MVP: AP. (I know, that's going out on a limb.)
Steelers fail because of O-line. Pats lose because their defense stinks and because everyone will blitz them. They will still go at least 12-4/13-3, but will go down in the playoffs. Remember the Giants, Eagles and Ravens in the 2007 season. All of them blitzed the Pats silly and the Pats easily could have lost all three of those games. Ravens are going to be rock solid with budding star Flacco but lack the requisite firepower. Chargers finally have their year, when they will sail completely under the radar and finally get it done.
Week one picks, home team in CAPS:
ATL -4 over mia
BAL -12.5 over kc
phi -2.5 over CAR
CIN -5 over den (Josh Daniels will be fired this year and may not make it through 8 games, at 0-7)
min -3.5 over CLE (despite Favre. Minnesota will win despite Favre until he gets hurt and Sage leads them to Superbowl.
HOU -4 over nyj
jax +6.5 over IND
NO -13.5 over det
dal -4.5 over TB (Bucs should play in orange again this year, they will be that bad)
AZ -6 sf (don't fully trust coaches who show their junk to their teams during tyrades)
NYG -6.5 over was (domenik hixon, remember that name this year, he will be plaxerrific)
SEA -7.5 over stl (Spagnuolo has been coaching offers for a couple years now and he chooses St. Louis. Good luck Spags)
chi +4.5 GB (Packers and Aaron Rodgers are the two most overrated entities this year. watch them flounder. bears fly high with Cutler)
NE -11 over buf (pats have D issues but won't matter here. Would someone please tell Buffalo that when three of your offensive lineman have never taken a snap, that you are all done.)
OAK +10 over sd
Chicago is our upset special. That is all.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Celtics-Magic Game 6
One of the coolest things about blogging is that you have your own personal time-stamped perspective out there. So everyone can see precisely how prophetic you were. Or how incredibly wrong you were. Stan Van Gundy is one home loss away from adding to the country’s record unemployment numbers. Did anyone see this coming when the series was 1-1. I did, from last blog, prior to game 3:
This is about the most irritated and personal that I have gotten, but Stan Van Gundy is a fat load of crap and his team hates his guts. Keep on screaming you loon, you’re screaming your team right out of the playoffs and right out of a job. Well, at least there’s that porn thing to fall back on, assuming he can still find it down there.
I’m so pleased with my analysis, I won’t even gloat any further. Here’s why the Magic are cooked. They hate their coach. You can’t be having public apologies and meetings the day before game six to get the coach and star player on the same page. Shaq nailed it when he called SVG the master of panic. He panics, spreads the tension to his team, and then they choke. All he had to do was not be SVG, and this series would be over. The Celtics have played consistently below par, and they are one win away. I would give anything to see Shaq behind the Orlando bench tonight. Doesn’t he live down there?
Here’s why this thing is over in six. 5 for 29. That’s what Ray Allen has shot from 3 point land in this series. It has to end sometime, and that sometime is tonight. Well, that’s part of it. The reality is that there will come a point in the game when the Magic will face adversity and their loony coach will be screaming and flailing his arms and generally doing his enraged Homer Simpson impression. And each Magic player will have some derivative of the following thought: "I’m so tired of this effing imbecile screaming. He’s blown the last two games, if he would just shut the eff up, we’d be in Cleveland right now." And that will be that. You don’t bleed for a guy you hate. You don’t leave it all out on the court.
There will come a point when everything is going wrong that the players will collectively and silently come to the only possible conclusion, which is that "with a new coach, next year, we’ll be unstoppable." And that will be that. I am going way out on a limb here as the Celtics have been unfathomably inconsistent. But, nonetheless, it’s over. SVG finished it.
The Celtics have played with as much heart as any other team in any sport under any set of circumstances. Their bench consists of two points guards and Brian Scalabrine. Nobody else plays. Alright, granted that under 6 foot Eddie House is really a shooting guard, but that obscures the point. They have a back up point guard who has been out of basketball for the better part of two years and an under sized back up shooting guard, PLUS, the white guy with the padded head band to protect from future concussions. This is a truly unprecedented and unparalleled run.
Quick thought on Perkins. He has defensively dominated Dwight Howard. Feed Howard the ball, keep feeding him the ball. And he can keep taking that running left handed ugly-assed hook shot that keeps clinging off the backboard. Perkins’ performance with an injured shoulder has been staggering. He has dominated Dwight Howard. Howard should feel humiliated. Watch the Magic "love" their coach after tonight’s game.
I told my wife before the playoffs that I felt something special might be coming from the Celtics. The 2008 title run was amazing as we watched the Celtics struggle through as they learned how to be a playoff team together. But this year’s Celtics have one thing that the 08 team never had. They are massive underdogs. Most picked the Bulls to beat them. Nearly everyone picked the Magic to beat them. The experts will tell you the Celtics will be lucky to lose by less than 50 per game to Cleveland.
Getting to Cleveland, which is now inevitable, will be an extraordinary achievement for this team. And I don’t want to say the G-word, so I won’t. But let’s just say that if there was zero chance he could come back, he would have already had the surgery. Never say never. It would be as big an upset as I can remember, but that’s wherein the fun lies. How many times do you have to watch a 1-AA team play Michigan, or a 32 point NFL playoff game deficit until the impossible happens? Until Michigan loses or the Bills complete the biggest comeback in NFL history? How many? Just enough times, until you finally see it happen. That’s, in large part, why we watch. And if you watch long enough, you will eventually see the impossible.
I’m not going to go crazy, but I will say this. Cleveland will not have played a competitive game in the better part of a month, by the time the Conference Finals roll around. They have not faced any adversity. They have not been under pressure. Just saying. It ain’t over before they suit em up. LeBron’s foul count is up to 20 in his last 19 games after another 3 in game 4. Try this one on for size. Lebron has had 3 fouls in both game 4's this year. Game 4's in which the series were over and the opponents had already packed. Refs evening up a little after calling almost no fouls for the first three games? Seems so. Throw out those six in two, and Lebron would have 14 fouls in his last 17 games.
There should be an investigation. Where’s Oliver Stone when you need him? Doctor Phil anyways. I think it’s more feelings related. Can’t control the Leb-Lust.
This is about the most irritated and personal that I have gotten, but Stan Van Gundy is a fat load of crap and his team hates his guts. Keep on screaming you loon, you’re screaming your team right out of the playoffs and right out of a job. Well, at least there’s that porn thing to fall back on, assuming he can still find it down there.
I’m so pleased with my analysis, I won’t even gloat any further. Here’s why the Magic are cooked. They hate their coach. You can’t be having public apologies and meetings the day before game six to get the coach and star player on the same page. Shaq nailed it when he called SVG the master of panic. He panics, spreads the tension to his team, and then they choke. All he had to do was not be SVG, and this series would be over. The Celtics have played consistently below par, and they are one win away. I would give anything to see Shaq behind the Orlando bench tonight. Doesn’t he live down there?
Here’s why this thing is over in six. 5 for 29. That’s what Ray Allen has shot from 3 point land in this series. It has to end sometime, and that sometime is tonight. Well, that’s part of it. The reality is that there will come a point in the game when the Magic will face adversity and their loony coach will be screaming and flailing his arms and generally doing his enraged Homer Simpson impression. And each Magic player will have some derivative of the following thought: "I’m so tired of this effing imbecile screaming. He’s blown the last two games, if he would just shut the eff up, we’d be in Cleveland right now." And that will be that. You don’t bleed for a guy you hate. You don’t leave it all out on the court.
There will come a point when everything is going wrong that the players will collectively and silently come to the only possible conclusion, which is that "with a new coach, next year, we’ll be unstoppable." And that will be that. I am going way out on a limb here as the Celtics have been unfathomably inconsistent. But, nonetheless, it’s over. SVG finished it.
The Celtics have played with as much heart as any other team in any sport under any set of circumstances. Their bench consists of two points guards and Brian Scalabrine. Nobody else plays. Alright, granted that under 6 foot Eddie House is really a shooting guard, but that obscures the point. They have a back up point guard who has been out of basketball for the better part of two years and an under sized back up shooting guard, PLUS, the white guy with the padded head band to protect from future concussions. This is a truly unprecedented and unparalleled run.
Quick thought on Perkins. He has defensively dominated Dwight Howard. Feed Howard the ball, keep feeding him the ball. And he can keep taking that running left handed ugly-assed hook shot that keeps clinging off the backboard. Perkins’ performance with an injured shoulder has been staggering. He has dominated Dwight Howard. Howard should feel humiliated. Watch the Magic "love" their coach after tonight’s game.
I told my wife before the playoffs that I felt something special might be coming from the Celtics. The 2008 title run was amazing as we watched the Celtics struggle through as they learned how to be a playoff team together. But this year’s Celtics have one thing that the 08 team never had. They are massive underdogs. Most picked the Bulls to beat them. Nearly everyone picked the Magic to beat them. The experts will tell you the Celtics will be lucky to lose by less than 50 per game to Cleveland.
Getting to Cleveland, which is now inevitable, will be an extraordinary achievement for this team. And I don’t want to say the G-word, so I won’t. But let’s just say that if there was zero chance he could come back, he would have already had the surgery. Never say never. It would be as big an upset as I can remember, but that’s wherein the fun lies. How many times do you have to watch a 1-AA team play Michigan, or a 32 point NFL playoff game deficit until the impossible happens? Until Michigan loses or the Bills complete the biggest comeback in NFL history? How many? Just enough times, until you finally see it happen. That’s, in large part, why we watch. And if you watch long enough, you will eventually see the impossible.
I’m not going to go crazy, but I will say this. Cleveland will not have played a competitive game in the better part of a month, by the time the Conference Finals roll around. They have not faced any adversity. They have not been under pressure. Just saying. It ain’t over before they suit em up. LeBron’s foul count is up to 20 in his last 19 games after another 3 in game 4. Try this one on for size. Lebron has had 3 fouls in both game 4's this year. Game 4's in which the series were over and the opponents had already packed. Refs evening up a little after calling almost no fouls for the first three games? Seems so. Throw out those six in two, and Lebron would have 14 fouls in his last 17 games.
There should be an investigation. Where’s Oliver Stone when you need him? Doctor Phil anyways. I think it’s more feelings related. Can’t control the Leb-Lust.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mother's Day quick word
Lebron foul count: With a shocking two fouls on the King in game 3, he is up to 17 fouls in his last 18 games.
NBA to Mavericks after they were cheated out of a possible game 3 victory: Sorry, the refs screwed it up. They didn’t just screw up, they robbed the Mavericks of their entire season, with one awful no-call. At 3-0, the series is over. Sorry, we didn’t call the foul that you were intentionally committing. NBA playoff officiating continues to deteriorate to woeful level. Why do these guys keep getting worse? Lebron commits less than a foul per game and teams are routinely screwed at the end of games. Or in the middle of games. Dwight Howard commits a foul on every screen he ever sets and routinely fouls Paul Pierce going to the hoop, but they never call it. Don't say it is green colored glasses. Watch the tape, these gyus are awful and it goes both ways. How about in game 2 where Baby touched the ball with both feet out of bounds and they still gave it to the Celtics. I loved the announcing team for Bos-Orl game 3 who were routinely stunned at calls or non-calls by the refs.
We’ve reached the point that it is overshadowing the game.
If the refs can stay out the way, look for something special from the C’s tonight.
NBA to Mavericks after they were cheated out of a possible game 3 victory: Sorry, the refs screwed it up. They didn’t just screw up, they robbed the Mavericks of their entire season, with one awful no-call. At 3-0, the series is over. Sorry, we didn’t call the foul that you were intentionally committing. NBA playoff officiating continues to deteriorate to woeful level. Why do these guys keep getting worse? Lebron commits less than a foul per game and teams are routinely screwed at the end of games. Or in the middle of games. Dwight Howard commits a foul on every screen he ever sets and routinely fouls Paul Pierce going to the hoop, but they never call it. Don't say it is green colored glasses. Watch the tape, these gyus are awful and it goes both ways. How about in game 2 where Baby touched the ball with both feet out of bounds and they still gave it to the Celtics. I loved the announcing team for Bos-Orl game 3 who were routinely stunned at calls or non-calls by the refs.
We’ve reached the point that it is overshadowing the game.
If the refs can stay out the way, look for something special from the C’s tonight.
Friday, May 8, 2009
LEB-LUST
NBA PLAYOFFS ROUND 2:
(Fouls called on Lebron in last 17 games: 15)
Before we get down to it, let’s give King James his props, a well deserved MVP. He is the league’s best player and most valuable, without question. I don’t have to like it, but I’m not crazy enough to deny it. This is why it is all the more frustrating that the officials continue to act like American Idol groupies in the face of the King. Including the four game sweep of the Pistons and two game 1/2 of a sweep of the Hawks, the King, has been whistled for a staggering 15 fouls in his last 17 games. And that number is only slanted upwards because after calling only 2 fouls on the King in the first 3 games of the Pistons series, the refs realized it was getting a little silly and tried to even things up by calling 3 fouls on the King in game four.
He is undoubtedly the best player, with unlimited physical gifts. Do we really need to give the extra advantage of him being officiated like Jesus by 3 Bishops? It is just plain silly, and it diminishes him and the sport. A foul is a foul. When you are as big, fast and strong as Lebron; when you are involved in as many physical collisions, it is inevitable that you foul people, at least a few times a game. But not the King. Keep track, going back 11 games into the regular season, when the Lebrons locked up the overall one seed and the MVP for the King, 9 fouls were called. With 6 more in the 5 playoff games, we are up to 15 fouls in his last 17 games. As a service to our readers, we will keep track as often as we can get around to it. I’m begging the officials, stop embarrassing yourselves with your Leb-lust.
One more thing here because I just can’t resist. Lebron is quickly catching up to Tim Duncan with the outraged "are you kidding me, you’re calling a foul on me" face. Yes, King, we know you’re the best and the refs treat you like adolescent girls treat the Jonas brothers. Enjoy it. Don’t embrace and expect it. And don’t make the Duncan face when they make a call on you. You do commit fouls, every NBA player does. Well, almost every NBA player not blessed with official Leb-lust.
Hawks-Cavs:
Is there any way in the world that the Cavs lose this series? I suppose the King could throw his back out slipping on spilt milk at home, but short of that, no. That being said, if the Hawks want to make a series of it, and they do have the talent and athleticism to do so, they can. Assuming they don’t play every other game like complete cow plop as they did against the Heat.
The Hawks have a variety of athletes that can try to slow down Lebron just the tiniest bit. Whether is Joe Johnson or even Josh Smith at times or Marvin Williams. Just stand your ground, give up the jumper and try not to get beat too badly when he goes by.
I wrote this before the Hawks went down 2-0 and turned into a MASH unit, but the rest of this is still 100% applicable, although useless to the artists formerly known as the Atlanta Hawks.
The key to beating the Cavs is to not let the side dishes get you. It’s Thanksgiving, you’re going to gorge on turkey. Don’t fill up on the bread, chips, veggie dips and everything else. Enjoy your turkey and gravy and don’t get side tracked. Ok, it’s a poor analogy. But the mixed greens medley of Mo Williams, Delonte, Szczerbiak, in combination with the foreign specialty Illgauskus/Varejao salad , should not be kicking anyone’s ass. (We will come back to the myth that is the greatness of Mo Williams in a minute). The theme this year has been Lebron’s ascendancy to greatness and the vast improvement of his supporting cast. A cast that is essentially the same as last year’s with one Mo Williams added. Did these guys all get magically better over the summer, or are they about as good as they have always been? You make the call.
Guard your side dishes, let the turkey have his. Don’t double. The Cavs become unstoppable when teams start doubling Lebron. He’s too good a passer. Stay with him. If he scores, 50, 60, even 70, who cares. All the shooting may slow him down, just a hair anyways. You can’t have Illgauskus taking one wide open 15 footer after another. No open threes for Szcerb, Mo, or Delonte. No uncontested dunks for Varejao. Stay with your man. The Cleveland side dishes, not a singe one of them, can consistently create their own shot. Mo Williams, please, we’re coming back to him, don’t you worry. The side dishes have gotten very good and confident knocking down wide open jumpers or dunks. I once made 48 our of 50 foul shots with no one guarding me. These are professionals, why give them the out.
Stay with Lebron. There is this mentality that if one guy is scoring at will, that you need to double him. But when it results in the other 4 guys getting going, it doesn’t help. Not with this team. Stick with Lebron, and keep the side dishes in the fridge. It’s your only chance. Although the Hawks still have no chance, whatsoever.
On to Mo Williams, or as he is known by talking heads and everyone in the state of Ohio, the greatest point guard in the history of the universe. This is a point guard averaging 4.1 assists per game during the regular season and 4.7 in the playoffs. Sure he hits the open 3 and has hit some clutch shots and Lebron picks up the assist slack, but Moe also has never faced true playoff pressure. Mo, talk to me when you can legitimately be in the conversation of top 10 point guards. In no particular order, list of point guards better than Mo the Great:
Williams, Paul, Rondo, Chauncey, Calderon, Nash, Parker, Harris, Rose, Ford, and Miller. Alright, Miller’s a stretch but he was 11, and we’re not even including Duhon and J-Kidd. Mo Williams is the league’s most overrated player today. Mike Bibby will outplay him in this series.
And let's not forget this. The Cavs barely broke a sweat against the Quitters, oops, I mean Pistons and are going for another effortless sweep. These are not your 95-96 Bulls. They are not playoff tested as a group. I'm not saying they can be stopped, but they will be going into the Conference finals without having played a competitive game in more than a month. Think that's not a negative?
THE RAJON RONDO SHOW
How good is Rajon Rondo? Through 9 grueling playoff games, Rondo is averaging 18.3 points, 9.6 rebounds, 11.9 assists and 2.7 steals. Assist to turnover ratio: 4.25:1. This is how you gauge how good a player is. If you could start a team right now who would you start with. Number one, Lebron. Number two, Dwight Howard. After that, Rondo. Kobe, please, too old. You want Chris Paul, you can have him. Rondo consistently outplays him. Derron Williams, same answer. D-Wade, lotta miles and injuries on that frame, but he could be three to Rondo's four, I suppose. Rondo consistently outplays every top point guard. He’s 23. In his third year. And he is carrying a decimated Celtics team in this year’s playoffs. He is the single most electrifying player in the league.
Write this down: Rajon Rondo will average a triple double for a season. He’s not even reached his prime. He will average the triple double and he will win the MVP. Call me a fan boy if you will. But, the points and assists will be easy. He just needs to grab enough rebounds to get over the number. Probably not next year. However, when Rondo reaches his prime, 25-28, a season averaged triple double is coming. The Magic are finished. Rondo refuses to lose. In game two, the Magic were blasted with Paul Pierce scoring 3 points. Watch out.
By the way. Dwight Howard. Every pick Howard sets is an offensive foul, watch the tape. Don’t tell the refs, though, they must be having dreamy thoughts about Lebron.
Here is quote from Stan Van Gundy, who I think has just taken the award for the single dumbest pre-game comment, in reference to Alston’s suspension and complaining that Rondo should have been suspended for the Brad Miller foul in game 5 of the previous series. That’s right, the series that the soon to be out of work former porn star was not even a part of:
"The question everybody has is, 'Why when Brad Miller is going to the hoop, can you just take a swing?' You know, the only ones I think that agree that he didn't wind up and follow through were Stu Jackson and David Stern. I think everybody else, including Boston fans, know he wound up and followed through."
Really, Stan, even the Boston fans thought he should have been suspended? What’s your basis for that. Did your crabs tell you that? SVG, why, why are even bringing this up? How dumb are you? That wasn’t even your series. You’re going to compare a hard foul in live play to stop a basket to your slimy player slapping someone upside the head who is facing away from them. It seems pretty clear that Rondo has already taken "the leap", but what do you think he is going to do to your joke of a back court now? Pure, unadulterated idiocy. Is there any doubt that his quote will be on the blackboard in the Celtics’ locker room before game 3 tonight, any doubt at all?
I think there’s only one solution to this. For every game he coaches for the rest of his life, SVG should have to endure an unanticipated slap upside the head from behind, from one of the opposing team’s fans. He won’t know when it’s coming, but at some point in every game, someone gets to smack Ron Jeremy upside the head. We’ll see how he likes it.
This is about the most irritated and personal that I have gotten, but Stan Van Gundy is a fat load of crap and his team hates his guts. Keep on screaming you loon, you’re screaming your team right out of the playoffs and right out of a job. Well, at least there’s that porn thing to fall back on, assuming he can still find it down there.
(Fouls called on Lebron in last 17 games: 15)
Before we get down to it, let’s give King James his props, a well deserved MVP. He is the league’s best player and most valuable, without question. I don’t have to like it, but I’m not crazy enough to deny it. This is why it is all the more frustrating that the officials continue to act like American Idol groupies in the face of the King. Including the four game sweep of the Pistons and two game 1/2 of a sweep of the Hawks, the King, has been whistled for a staggering 15 fouls in his last 17 games. And that number is only slanted upwards because after calling only 2 fouls on the King in the first 3 games of the Pistons series, the refs realized it was getting a little silly and tried to even things up by calling 3 fouls on the King in game four.
He is undoubtedly the best player, with unlimited physical gifts. Do we really need to give the extra advantage of him being officiated like Jesus by 3 Bishops? It is just plain silly, and it diminishes him and the sport. A foul is a foul. When you are as big, fast and strong as Lebron; when you are involved in as many physical collisions, it is inevitable that you foul people, at least a few times a game. But not the King. Keep track, going back 11 games into the regular season, when the Lebrons locked up the overall one seed and the MVP for the King, 9 fouls were called. With 6 more in the 5 playoff games, we are up to 15 fouls in his last 17 games. As a service to our readers, we will keep track as often as we can get around to it. I’m begging the officials, stop embarrassing yourselves with your Leb-lust.
One more thing here because I just can’t resist. Lebron is quickly catching up to Tim Duncan with the outraged "are you kidding me, you’re calling a foul on me" face. Yes, King, we know you’re the best and the refs treat you like adolescent girls treat the Jonas brothers. Enjoy it. Don’t embrace and expect it. And don’t make the Duncan face when they make a call on you. You do commit fouls, every NBA player does. Well, almost every NBA player not blessed with official Leb-lust.
Hawks-Cavs:
Is there any way in the world that the Cavs lose this series? I suppose the King could throw his back out slipping on spilt milk at home, but short of that, no. That being said, if the Hawks want to make a series of it, and they do have the talent and athleticism to do so, they can. Assuming they don’t play every other game like complete cow plop as they did against the Heat.
The Hawks have a variety of athletes that can try to slow down Lebron just the tiniest bit. Whether is Joe Johnson or even Josh Smith at times or Marvin Williams. Just stand your ground, give up the jumper and try not to get beat too badly when he goes by.
I wrote this before the Hawks went down 2-0 and turned into a MASH unit, but the rest of this is still 100% applicable, although useless to the artists formerly known as the Atlanta Hawks.
The key to beating the Cavs is to not let the side dishes get you. It’s Thanksgiving, you’re going to gorge on turkey. Don’t fill up on the bread, chips, veggie dips and everything else. Enjoy your turkey and gravy and don’t get side tracked. Ok, it’s a poor analogy. But the mixed greens medley of Mo Williams, Delonte, Szczerbiak, in combination with the foreign specialty Illgauskus/Varejao salad , should not be kicking anyone’s ass. (We will come back to the myth that is the greatness of Mo Williams in a minute). The theme this year has been Lebron’s ascendancy to greatness and the vast improvement of his supporting cast. A cast that is essentially the same as last year’s with one Mo Williams added. Did these guys all get magically better over the summer, or are they about as good as they have always been? You make the call.
Guard your side dishes, let the turkey have his. Don’t double. The Cavs become unstoppable when teams start doubling Lebron. He’s too good a passer. Stay with him. If he scores, 50, 60, even 70, who cares. All the shooting may slow him down, just a hair anyways. You can’t have Illgauskus taking one wide open 15 footer after another. No open threes for Szcerb, Mo, or Delonte. No uncontested dunks for Varejao. Stay with your man. The Cleveland side dishes, not a singe one of them, can consistently create their own shot. Mo Williams, please, we’re coming back to him, don’t you worry. The side dishes have gotten very good and confident knocking down wide open jumpers or dunks. I once made 48 our of 50 foul shots with no one guarding me. These are professionals, why give them the out.
Stay with Lebron. There is this mentality that if one guy is scoring at will, that you need to double him. But when it results in the other 4 guys getting going, it doesn’t help. Not with this team. Stick with Lebron, and keep the side dishes in the fridge. It’s your only chance. Although the Hawks still have no chance, whatsoever.
On to Mo Williams, or as he is known by talking heads and everyone in the state of Ohio, the greatest point guard in the history of the universe. This is a point guard averaging 4.1 assists per game during the regular season and 4.7 in the playoffs. Sure he hits the open 3 and has hit some clutch shots and Lebron picks up the assist slack, but Moe also has never faced true playoff pressure. Mo, talk to me when you can legitimately be in the conversation of top 10 point guards. In no particular order, list of point guards better than Mo the Great:
Williams, Paul, Rondo, Chauncey, Calderon, Nash, Parker, Harris, Rose, Ford, and Miller. Alright, Miller’s a stretch but he was 11, and we’re not even including Duhon and J-Kidd. Mo Williams is the league’s most overrated player today. Mike Bibby will outplay him in this series.
And let's not forget this. The Cavs barely broke a sweat against the Quitters, oops, I mean Pistons and are going for another effortless sweep. These are not your 95-96 Bulls. They are not playoff tested as a group. I'm not saying they can be stopped, but they will be going into the Conference finals without having played a competitive game in more than a month. Think that's not a negative?
THE RAJON RONDO SHOW
How good is Rajon Rondo? Through 9 grueling playoff games, Rondo is averaging 18.3 points, 9.6 rebounds, 11.9 assists and 2.7 steals. Assist to turnover ratio: 4.25:1. This is how you gauge how good a player is. If you could start a team right now who would you start with. Number one, Lebron. Number two, Dwight Howard. After that, Rondo. Kobe, please, too old. You want Chris Paul, you can have him. Rondo consistently outplays him. Derron Williams, same answer. D-Wade, lotta miles and injuries on that frame, but he could be three to Rondo's four, I suppose. Rondo consistently outplays every top point guard. He’s 23. In his third year. And he is carrying a decimated Celtics team in this year’s playoffs. He is the single most electrifying player in the league.
Write this down: Rajon Rondo will average a triple double for a season. He’s not even reached his prime. He will average the triple double and he will win the MVP. Call me a fan boy if you will. But, the points and assists will be easy. He just needs to grab enough rebounds to get over the number. Probably not next year. However, when Rondo reaches his prime, 25-28, a season averaged triple double is coming. The Magic are finished. Rondo refuses to lose. In game two, the Magic were blasted with Paul Pierce scoring 3 points. Watch out.
By the way. Dwight Howard. Every pick Howard sets is an offensive foul, watch the tape. Don’t tell the refs, though, they must be having dreamy thoughts about Lebron.
Here is quote from Stan Van Gundy, who I think has just taken the award for the single dumbest pre-game comment, in reference to Alston’s suspension and complaining that Rondo should have been suspended for the Brad Miller foul in game 5 of the previous series. That’s right, the series that the soon to be out of work former porn star was not even a part of:
"The question everybody has is, 'Why when Brad Miller is going to the hoop, can you just take a swing?' You know, the only ones I think that agree that he didn't wind up and follow through were Stu Jackson and David Stern. I think everybody else, including Boston fans, know he wound up and followed through."
Really, Stan, even the Boston fans thought he should have been suspended? What’s your basis for that. Did your crabs tell you that? SVG, why, why are even bringing this up? How dumb are you? That wasn’t even your series. You’re going to compare a hard foul in live play to stop a basket to your slimy player slapping someone upside the head who is facing away from them. It seems pretty clear that Rondo has already taken "the leap", but what do you think he is going to do to your joke of a back court now? Pure, unadulterated idiocy. Is there any doubt that his quote will be on the blackboard in the Celtics’ locker room before game 3 tonight, any doubt at all?
I think there’s only one solution to this. For every game he coaches for the rest of his life, SVG should have to endure an unanticipated slap upside the head from behind, from one of the opposing team’s fans. He won’t know when it’s coming, but at some point in every game, someone gets to smack Ron Jeremy upside the head. We’ll see how he likes it.
This is about the most irritated and personal that I have gotten, but Stan Van Gundy is a fat load of crap and his team hates his guts. Keep on screaming you loon, you’re screaming your team right out of the playoffs and right out of a job. Well, at least there’s that porn thing to fall back on, assuming he can still find it down there.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Refs in the Tank for Lebron
Columnists and talking heads alike are trying to stir up some discussion as to who will actually be the NBA's MVP. Nice seasons from D-Wade, Howard and Kobe, among others, but this MVP rightfully belongs to Lebron. But we need to take a step back to look at the numbers and to analyze what happens when the refs turn into the equivalent of screaming Jonas Brothers groupies.
Lebron's season has been building to a crescendo all season. Clearly going to end with the best record and overall 1 seed for home court advantage through out the playoffs, all deserved kudos to Lebron. Is he a little irritating? Yeah. Did he steal his whole baby powder in the air before tip-off thing from Garnett, whose was doing when Lebron was just starting to get pubies? Sure, but he's Lebron: adore, admire and adulate. No thinking involved.
Just look at the way the groupy refs have called the games once we reached the latter stages of March. From March 22, 2009 forward, Lebron has played in 11 games. Lebron, a physical player, is involved in multiple plays per game that could be called either way. Whether it is a fight for a rebound, a collision over a loose ball, or a charge/block toss up, he is in a number of plays that could garner him a foul in each game.
Don't tell the groupies though, they are too busy screaming and peeing themselves like 60's Beatles fans. In these last 11 games, when Lebron has locked up the MVP, home court through out the playoffs and is about to tie for the best home record ever, how many fouls do you think have been called on him? 9. That's right, Mrs. Bueller, 9 times. 9 times has the whistle been blown and Lebron been at fault. Not that it has stopped him from crying about every call against him.
9 times, including a 5 game stretch without a foul. 1.7 fouls per game is what Lebron is averaging this year. This number is beyond comprehension for a massive, physical player, who is active on both boards, as well as frequent driver and blocker of shots. 9 fouls in 11 games. That's less than one per game. How many foul shots do you think Lebron took during this period? 96. No joke. 9 fouls called on him. 96 foul shots taken.
With Lebron clearly being the best player in the league, do we really need to give him this much help? This is not some NBA or ABC conspiracy theory. This is just what happens when short little men with the same cognitive processes seen in New Kids on the Block fans, see their hero. They are too busy squealing to blow the whistle. Unless, they are calling fouls on others fouling Lebron.
11 games, 9 fouls called against him and 96 foul shots taken. This is the most absurd result and will tarnish this year's playoffs irreparably if the refs don't stop pissing themselves with jubilation everytime Lebron hacks, runs over or pushes someone out of the way for a rebound. For comparison's sake, Kobe, averaging an entire foul more per game than Lebron, had 25 fouls called on him in his last 11 games. How bout a few more for comparison:
Fouls per game (season): Fouls last 11 games:
Lebron 1.7 9
Kobe 2.7 25
Pierce 2.7 25
Chris Paul 2.7 36
Dwight Howard 3.4 45
D-Wade 2.25 28
Even Jordan in his prime never had a season like this. 1.7 fouls per game. 9 fouls called since March 22, 2009. That's almost a month!?!
Let's not make this whole thing down right silly. The refs either need to stop shrieking like teenage girls at the sight of Lebron, or he will have one severely tainted NBA title in 2009.
Lebron's season has been building to a crescendo all season. Clearly going to end with the best record and overall 1 seed for home court advantage through out the playoffs, all deserved kudos to Lebron. Is he a little irritating? Yeah. Did he steal his whole baby powder in the air before tip-off thing from Garnett, whose was doing when Lebron was just starting to get pubies? Sure, but he's Lebron: adore, admire and adulate. No thinking involved.
Just look at the way the groupy refs have called the games once we reached the latter stages of March. From March 22, 2009 forward, Lebron has played in 11 games. Lebron, a physical player, is involved in multiple plays per game that could be called either way. Whether it is a fight for a rebound, a collision over a loose ball, or a charge/block toss up, he is in a number of plays that could garner him a foul in each game.
Don't tell the groupies though, they are too busy screaming and peeing themselves like 60's Beatles fans. In these last 11 games, when Lebron has locked up the MVP, home court through out the playoffs and is about to tie for the best home record ever, how many fouls do you think have been called on him? 9. That's right, Mrs. Bueller, 9 times. 9 times has the whistle been blown and Lebron been at fault. Not that it has stopped him from crying about every call against him.
9 times, including a 5 game stretch without a foul. 1.7 fouls per game is what Lebron is averaging this year. This number is beyond comprehension for a massive, physical player, who is active on both boards, as well as frequent driver and blocker of shots. 9 fouls in 11 games. That's less than one per game. How many foul shots do you think Lebron took during this period? 96. No joke. 9 fouls called on him. 96 foul shots taken.
With Lebron clearly being the best player in the league, do we really need to give him this much help? This is not some NBA or ABC conspiracy theory. This is just what happens when short little men with the same cognitive processes seen in New Kids on the Block fans, see their hero. They are too busy squealing to blow the whistle. Unless, they are calling fouls on others fouling Lebron.
11 games, 9 fouls called against him and 96 foul shots taken. This is the most absurd result and will tarnish this year's playoffs irreparably if the refs don't stop pissing themselves with jubilation everytime Lebron hacks, runs over or pushes someone out of the way for a rebound. For comparison's sake, Kobe, averaging an entire foul more per game than Lebron, had 25 fouls called on him in his last 11 games. How bout a few more for comparison:
Fouls per game (season): Fouls last 11 games:
Lebron 1.7 9
Kobe 2.7 25
Pierce 2.7 25
Chris Paul 2.7 36
Dwight Howard 3.4 45
D-Wade 2.25 28
Even Jordan in his prime never had a season like this. 1.7 fouls per game. 9 fouls called since March 22, 2009. That's almost a month!?!
Let's not make this whole thing down right silly. The refs either need to stop shrieking like teenage girls at the sight of Lebron, or he will have one severely tainted NBA title in 2009.
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