NFL Week 2

(This week we strive to over use the contraction "ain't", just to vex the English teachers)

I can't think of an NFL week one where we learned less than 2009 week one. What did we learn that we didn't already know? The Bengals stink. The Lions really stink. Brett Favre ain't that good. Aaron Rodgers remains Captain overrated. Brady's not quite Brady yet. The Bills will always find a way to blow it. The Chargers are injury prone.

Here's what we did learn though. The Jets defense is nasty. The Texans are an excellent offensive team and they got no offensive points against the Jets and were consistently dominated all over the place. Sure the Texans were down a receiver, but still, this was a drubbing. A road drubbing.

Some of this requires commentary, some is self explanatory. Lions and Bengals. Well, you get the point. Brett "the cancer" Favre. He single handedly destroyed the Jets and Eric Mangini last year. And what does he do this year? Decides that after an off season of throwing back Miller High Life's in his Wranglers, throwing the occasional pass to high school kids, that it's time to come back and ruin another team. This time we have the Vikings. T-Jack may not be able to throw a ball out of a dingy and have it hit water, but Sage Rosenfels is a talented back up who has never been given a chance. At least he knew the offense. Not Favre. Now, I don't think anyone will fight my contention that Favre is a not mensa member. Your QB needs brains in today's complicated NFL. Think Brady or the Mannings. Clearly smart guys processing plays and defenses. Favre, shows up a few weeks before the season and starts flipping through the playbook.

He has the NFL's best running back who carried him to victory in a game in which Favre needed 21 passes to reach 110 yards. That's 5.24 yards per pass. AP averaged 7.2 yards per carry. Favre, genius that he is, completed exactly one of his 21 passes to AP. Good thinking, cancer boy. The picks are coming, it's undeniable. By the way, what a honeymoon for Favre, first the Browns and now the Lions. Who's next, Boise St.? Actually it's SF, followed by the Favre-GB game in which the announcers will use the word Favre so much that he might actually spontaneously combust. Don't worry though, they play St. Louis the week after, so you can pretty much guarantee a 4-1 Minnesota start and one talking bobble head after another fawning over Favre's "transformation" and how he's "staying within himself". These phrases will beat you over the head by week five and probably even by the end of this week.

Just so you know, in the Vikings' first 9 games they play the Browns, the Lions twice, the Rams, and the 49ers. Their other opponents are legitimate so expect 6-3 / 5-4 range. AP is great, but Favre is a liability. He doesn't know the playbook, he doesn't care and he's earning almost a cool million a game. Not to mention the Wrangler money. You gotta love Favre. He has gone from generally beloved, to mildly annoying to unanimously hated by everyone but the starved Viking fans. Don't worry, by season's end they will hate him too and Favre will manage to be hated by almost every single, solitary NFL fan. Way to go, former 3 time MVP. It's hard to remember a time when Favre was good. Maybe his greatness was exaggerated by the low definition television area.

Aaron Rodgers. And no, I will not stop on him until people stop touting him as an MVP candidate. He has never done diddly squat in a game that mattered and just barely beat the Bears last week because Jay Cutler threw more interceptions than you would see at a Jake Delhomme concert. Well, not quite, but close. Win some big games, and then come back and see me. I am so sick of the Aaron Rodgers love train. He'll be 2-0 after beating the Bengals so let the MVP talk continue.

The picks. Last week despite a 7-2 start, we ended up 8-7. Stupid late games. Home teams in caps:

KC -3 over oak

Raiders had some nice moments last week, but they ain't going on the road on a short week and beating anybody. Even the artists formerly known as the Kansas City Chiefs. Remember when they used to have a defense and a running game? I think that was also back in the low def era. JaMarcus Russell's completion percentage in one of his best career games: 40%. Why is it that GM/Scouts and the rest of them don't think it's a problem if a quarterback is massively innacurate? It's a problem and it ain't gonna get much better. If you ain't accurate now, you ain't gonna be accurate in the future. See Tavaris Jackson.

Hou +6.5 over TEN

You either believe in Houston or not. They are the trendy "jump/sleeper" team this year. I'm not really sold. I think they can score and have some nice pieces on defense, but I'm just not buying the whole package. What I am sold on is that Kerry Collins stinks. The TEN defense is not what it was without the "Stomper". (Albert Haynesworth, who we must always remind you engaged in the single most cowardly act I have ever seen on a football field when he spiked \ the top of an opposing player's helmetless head to the tune of mulitple stiches and gushing blood.) $100+ million. Love to see the good people in the world rewarded.

Patriots -3.5 over JETS (or did we? see below)

I think that the Jets' smack talking this week has been intentionally devised by Rex Ryan. He knows the Pats will be amped up and they will be aiming for Kerry Rhodes who made the most incendiary comments this week. That's what the Pats do and the Jets know it, so they will be ready. This doesn't mean they don't score on Rhodes as they did to the Steelers' Smith a few years back who made similarly idiotic comments. It just means the Jets know the Pats aren't the unstoppable juggernaut they once were. They looked very shaky overall in week one and their offensive line was outplayed by Buffalo's and I, frankly, can't believe I just wrote that, but it is undeniably true.

If the Bills can get to Brady, and they did, the Jets know that they can. Now, they know they can't scare or rattle Brady with their comments and that is not the point of them. The point of the comments is to make this very important point. You are no longer a team in a class of your own. You are no longer so superior to the competition that all opponents must walk on egg-shells for fear of becoming bulletin board material. I am not picking the Jets to win or even cover (or am I?), but they will be in this game. They will hit Brady and they will have their chances. This is a shockingly flawed Patriots team at one position after another:

Secondary, almost a joke. Pass rush, even funnier. Tully Banta-Cain, you can get all the late sacks on Trent Edwards that you want in obvious passing situations, but the Bills's O-line is HISTORICALLY bad. And they controlled the Pats' D-line. Wilfork is the ultimate 3-4 nose tackle. He's still above average in the 4-3, but who the heck is he filtering the runners to? Gary Guyton? Pierre Woods? Eric Alexander? This Patriots defense is a disaster. They still win here but this team cannot win with this defense, they simply cannot. Or, do they? (yes i changed my pick after writing this section.)

Another major problem for the Pats' blitzkreig offense: No 3rd receiver, nevermind a 4th. Joey Galloway has been a complete bust. Of Brady's 39 completed passes, not one went to a wide receiver not named Moss or Welker. And Welker is still not up to full speed with his "leg" injury. Love that Patriot secrecy. 24 to Moss and Welker, 8 to the backs and 7 to the tight ends. And if Ben "dropsy" Watson doesn't turn into Jason Witten for the last few minutes of that game AND, the Bills don't fumble with under 2 minutes to go, the Pats are 0-1 with a home loss to the Bills. This 3rd receiver problem is huge. Because you only have to cover Moss and Welker, in addition to covering the tight end seam route. That's it. This is a far cry from 2007's limitless weapon offense.

The O-line is leaking blood like a stuck pig and their leading rusher had 32 yards in week one. Against the Bills. Brady is gonna put up his numbers and be Tom Brady, but this line is going to get him killed and they are dead without a third receiver. For how manys games can 58 year old Kevin Faulk bail you out on third downs?

You know what, screw it, I have talked myself into it. I'm taking the points and the Jets, even with the Rookie QB. I just couldn't live wth a Pats pick if the Jets pull the upset.

JETS -3.5 over pats

Cin +9 over GB

I have no tangible reason for this pick. Alright I have one. Every week there is at least one complete head scratcher of a game. This is it. Not a win for the bungles, but a cover.

min -10 over DET

The let's get Brett Favre reacclimated to the league by starting him out against junior college teams tour rolls on. The cancer might even average 6 or 7 yars per attempt this week.

new orleans even over PHI

Donovan McNabb, you blithering idiot. 31-10 lead. No QB on the other team. And you think it's a good time to start trying to run over defenders at the goal line. I would like to cite a line from "the Rainmaker" here. "You must be stupid, stupid, stupid." What did McNabb get on his wunderlich anyways? Wasn't it one of the lowest scores ever. Yay, Syracuse.

ATL -6.5 car

Poor Panthers fans. Jake Delhomme's one half of glory against the Patriots decimated secondary in the Superbowl has given him a career. For his career he has a QB rating of less than 85 and a career completion percentage of under 60. He ain't good. He was never good. Delhomme and John Fox won't survive the season because Jake Delhomme is going to kill all the Panthers all by himself.

WAS -10 over Stl

Really, Spags, you chose the Rams, really?

ari +3 over JAX

You don't have a home field advantage when your fans don't show up. And why has it been the Jags' mission in life to never have a viable receiver once Jimmy Smith retired?

sea +1.5 over SF

The 49ers are favored here, really? Did Mike Singletary flash his ass at the odds makers, too?

BUF -5 over tb

Poor Bills. They will get this one though.

cle +3 over DEN

When you need a miracle to beat the Bengals and your coach has downgraded your talent by 30% in one off-season, it's not good. Good job, Josh.

pit -3 over CHI

Can idiot boy Josh McDaniel actually be made to look good because Jay Cutler has no receivers and no offensive line and now no Urlacher? Maybe so. Jay's top receiver is a kick returner and former DB. This is not good. Just for the record, the Steelers O-line stinks and will get Roethlisberger killed this season.

nyg+3 over DAL

Come on, really, the 'boys are favored. They gave up 450 yards to TB. A team with no hope whatsoever. They were run all over by the bucs, who are just dreadful. Their offense is fine, but if that running D is any indication, Brandon Jacobs might empty that stadium by the middle of the 3rd. And I'm a Cowboys fan. There I admitted it. Their coaching is awful. Their penalties are always a problem and I'm not sure who those corners are.

MIA +3 ind

This is my opposite gut reaction pick. You gotta throw out the 4 turnover game last week. The Fins remain a hard nosed disciplined team. This might be the year the the Colts finally come back to earth. They have no receivers except Wayne. Joseph Addai looks slow for some reason and the Colts defense is, well the Colts defense. Wildcat away! Pennington to Fasano away!